Open letter to an ex husband

Dear Ex Sperm Donor

When you didn't have time for your children for at least 8 of the last 10 years because you were selfish/your girlfriends/wife wouldn't let you/you didn't have any balls to be a man and take your responsibilities/parenting role seriously, the kids had to just suck it up, grow up and move on. When you now bother to contact them or spend your 30 minutes with them every Sunday or second Sunday (as your busy schedule permits) please don't bother doing any of the following:

Whine that you have no money - we three live on less than you make and you only have yourself to worry about now your wife has kicked you out.

Whine that you have to move flat again/might not have a garage to put all your shit in - we can't solve your problems and we wouldn't even if we could. They are your "lesson", mate. Enjoy.

Tell us all about your poor, recently ex, wife who is having/had a nervous breakdown - suppressing gales of laughter can be incredibly painful, not to mention dangerous to a person, and besides we just want to ring her up and suggest she jump off something very tall. You (and especially she) didn't give a shit about any of us, we sure as Hell don't give one about her.

Expect your children to give you their undivided attention - they don't actually have much of anything to say to you, they grew up without you, you don't know them.

Pretend you are here to spend some quality time with your kids - we know you are here because you have nowhere else more important to be right now. Until someone txts you, anyway.

Leave your cellphone on and waste time txting people during the kids short visiting time. That's just rude. Oh and dumb. Did I mention selfish?

Expect me to pay for the cellphone calls when H has no txt credit on her phone - you are the grown-up, you have a landline, you should give the kids the number to use it.

Send me txts about the kids expecting an answer - my phone is a convenient tool for MY benefit, I turn it off/let it go flat/ forget where I left it. I don't care that you want an answer, use the landline if you want feedback. You know the number.

Regards
Mother to your sperm-donated offspring.

PS Happy Anniversary - it's 10 years today since I sent your sorry ass down the road. Shame you still just don't "get it".