2007

It's here.

No, not my Gary Sinise christmas present, or the kinky anal fruity pudding sex that appeared to be cumming for Christmas; 2007. In fact, as I write this, it's been 2007 for 30 minutes.

Can't say it feels any different yet, but I'll let you know when it does. While you are waiting, please assume that we at splodge, wish you and yours a safe, happy and prosperous new year. And lots of paper towels - one can never have too many paper towels and so I wrote this essay about it. It took ages, like 3 seconds and you can write your own essay here.

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An essay on the paper towel

Let us commence a journey into the much travelled topic of the paper towel. Many an afternoon has been enjoyed by a family, bonding over the discussion of the paper towel. Until recently considered taboo amongst polite society, there are just not enough blues songs written about the paper towel. Crossing many cultural barriers it still draws remarks such as 'I wouldn't touch it with a barge pole' and 'i'd rather eat wasps' from socialists, trapped by their infamous history. With the primary aim of demonstrating my considerable intellect I will now demonstrate the complexity of the many faceted issue that is the paper towel.

Social Factors

There is cultural and institutional interdependence between members of any community. When Thucictholous said 'people only know one thing' [1] he must have been referning to the paper towel. No symbol is more potent than the paper towel in society today. It bravely illustrates what we are most afraid of, what we all know deep down in our hearts.

Primarily the paper towel builds trust among the people. Clearly it promotes higher individualism and obeyence of instinct. As soon as a child meets the paper towel they are changed.

Economic Factors

Is unemployment inherently bad for an economy? Yes. We will begin by looking at the Custard-Not-Mustard model using the median instead of the mean, where possible.

Oil Prices
		the paper towel

There is no longer a need to argue the importance of the paper towel, it is clear to see that the results speak for themselves. The question which surfaces now is, how? Well oil prices will eventually break free from the powerful influence of the paper towel, but not before we see a standardised commercial policy for all. In the light of this free trade must be examined.

Political Factors

Modern politics owes much to the animal kingdom. Placing theory on the scales of justice and weighing it against practice can produce similar results to contrasting the two, equally popular approaches to the paper towel. If the reader is unaware of these, they need only to turn on the television, or pick up a newspaper or popular magazine.

Consider this, spoken at the tender age of 14 by the famous political Elijah Bootlegger 'People in glass houses shouldn't throw parties.' [2] Considered by many to be one of the 'Founding Fathers' of the paper towel, his words cannot be over-looked. Both spectacular failure and unequaled political accomplishment may be accredited to the paper towel.

I wait anxiously. What will the next few years bring for the paper towel?

Conclusion

In my opinion the paper towel is both a need and a want. It questions, ensures financial stability and figures show it's a winning formula.

I'll leave you with this quote from Demi Garfunkel: 'At first I was afraid I was petrified. Thinking I could never live without the paper towel by my side.' [3]

[1] Thucictholous - Man - Published 42 AD

[2] Bootlegger - Take It! - 1961 Viva Books

[3] Paper Towel Weekly - Issue 97 - TreeMedia

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Of course, the one I wrote about sado-masochistic auto-eroticism and sheep was much better. But then, it would be.